She was named People magazine's "Most Beautiful Woman" this week, despite the millions of tiny internet elves who stay up late at night making sure everyone online hates her (according to Star Magazine, she is one of the most hated celebrities in the world.)
The internet has exploded with several reasons to hate the overachieving, beautiful actress, all pointing to one main reason: she's out of touch.
Her blog, Goop, caters to ridiculously wealthy human beings who can travel, eat and shop at the idyllic places and prices that are within her budget. She likes to cook fancy, green/organic/exotic meals that require some legwork (do you also have, like she does, a wood-burning pizza oven in your backyard?). She calls herself a "mother hen" who enjoys finding the balance between "tofu and cigarettes,"
which many find irritating.
But I like to think there are always two sides to a story. Granted, maybe Iron Man 3's publicists paid People off. Maybe she's infiltrated the internet elves' lair and brainwashed them into temporarily liking her. Or maybe... and this is just a hunch... she's not all that bad.
Before you slam your computer screen down and give me the doo-doo face, hear me out. Here are 7 reasons not to hate Goopy.
Shakespeare in Love, 1998
Let's not be too quick to forget old "shake-a-spear in love". This movie, and Ever After, were like The Notebook of the 90's (or of the 1500s). You know you watch it every time it replays on TV. She won the Academy Award for this movie, as she should've with many of her movies. Gwyneth is a good actress and that can't be denied.
Her mom: Blythe Danner
Gwyneth looks more and more like her mother every year, and that's a good thing. Nobody hates the mom from Meet The Parents, so how could you hate her real-life daughter? Think about it.
Her Cooking Skills
So you hate her culinary tips because she tells you how to cook a hamburger but she doesn't actually eat hamburgers (excerpt from her book: "Burgers are my favorite food in the world, which is ironic because I don't eat red meat"). And how can you trust somebody who doesn't eat hamburgers???
But let me ask you this: Do you trust your gynecologist even if he doesn't have a vajayjay? Thought so. Maybe Gwyneth knows good food even if she doesn't eat good food. Just maybe.
Plus, who looks this good mid-laugh while cooking on a Spanish TV show? (Yeah she also speaks Spanish fluently.)
She Never Upsets the Fashion Police
Whether she's on the red carpet or at home in a T-shirt and jeans (that everyone hates her for wearing for some reason), she looks put together, stylish and beautiful. She's in tune with what's hot at the moment when many other celebs miss the mark again and again. She's not a boring dresser but she's also not out there trying to make a ridiculous statement with her outfits.
Her outfit at the Iron Man 3 premiere wasn't a hit (that see-through side dress), but at least she's not sticking her thigh out of her dress like a silly person. If this is her edgiest look, I'll take it.
She's BFFLs with Jay-Z
So maybe nobody likes Bey and Jay right now because of their Cuba trip. But this too shall pass.
And once it does, people should remember if Jay-Z and Beyonce want to hang out with you all the time then you're probably interesting, entertaining or smell nice. I don't see online photos of you dancing backstage with Beyonce... probably because you dance like an idiot... and Beyonce wouldn't dance with you even if you won a contest to dance with Beyonce. Too much time on the internet kills your dancing skills, it's proven, so stop hating a celebrity and go learn the wop instead.
Are we all forgetting about Margot Tenenbaum? Forget all 6 other reasons. This post should've just been this picture alone. How many times did you and your friends dress up as Margot and Richie for Halloween? Wes Anderson movies are particular, and the actors in each film have to really get it for it to work. I can't picture anyone else playing Margot.
Every sentence about Gwyneth on the internet from now on should start with "The girl who plays Margot Tenenbaum." Then we could condition the brain to remember happy thoughts of Gwynnie whenever she's mentioned. Maybe she wouldn't be so hated.
We love you Goopy.
*BONUS*View from the Top, 2003
Her performance in this clip from View from the Top makes my heart warm. She's just America's girl next door -- next door to Beyonce and other super cool celebs -- but still, next door. I totally get her.