The final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump airs tonight, and it promises to be another frustrating 90 minutes of television that will make you crave a cocktail or seven.
Trump is getting schlonged in the polls; his campaign manager has invited Barack Obama's half-brother and assorted other looney tunes to the debate; and he's been raving for a week about a globalist banking/media cabal that's straight out of the Stormfront message boards.
In other words: Pass the whiskey and play this, our final debate drinking game! Your sanity may very well depend on it.
Take a sip every time Trump says…
- "The swamp"
- "The polls"
- "The inner cities"
- "Under one flag, under one God"
- Mainstream media
- "the cyber"
- "the nuclear"
- "$20 trillion in debt"
- "A total disaster"
- "What do you have to lose?"
- "Seriously: What do you have to lose?"
Take another sip if Donald Trump mentions any of these proper nouns:
- Alec Baldwin
- Lorne Michaels
- Rosie O'Donnell
- The Clinton Foundation
- People Magazine
- The New York Times
- Juanita Broaddrick
- Paula Jones
- Malik Obama
- Jeremiah Wright
- Monica Lewinsky
- Sidney Blumenthal
- Debbie Wasserman Schultz
- Saul Alinsky
- Goldman Sachs
- James O'Keefe III
- Protocols of the Elders of Zion
- Peter Thiel
- Wayne Newton
Take an even bigger sip if Donald Trump…
- Answers a question that is not about ISIS by referencing the threat of ISIS
- Answers a question that is not about Hillary's emails by referencing Hillary's emails
- Actually answers a question
- Still has the sniffles
- Accuses Hillary of having the sniffles
- Says that his sinuses are rigged
- Accuses Hillary of taking steroids
- Is wearing a Cough Prevention Machine
- Says that he will make America great again
- Says that he will make America safe again
- Says that he will make America great and safe and greatly safe and safely great again
- Complains about his treatment in a previous debate
- Complains about his treatment in the present debate
- Complains about his treatment in the next debate
- Complains that the debates are rigged
- Complains about his treatment at the Holiday Inn he's staying at
- Complains that the Holiday Inn is rigged
- Complains that none of the debate moderators came from Infowars
- Asks his supporters to monitor polling places
- Claims that he is qualified to run the country based on his success at opening a hotel in Washington D.C.
- Reminds everyone that his hotel in Washington D.C. is open and has fantastic reviews on TripAdvisor
- Takes a swipe at:
- Paul Ryan
- John Kasich
- Joe Biden
- President Obama's campaign schedule
- Mark Cuban
- Michael Moore
- The Pope
- Ken Bone
- Defends himself against sex crime allegations by insulting his accusers' looks
- Congratulates Melania on her CNN interview
- Complains that political ads being run against him are mean
- Complains that the word "rigged" is rigged
- Opens up a Merriam-Webster dictionary and reads the definition of "rigged"
- Realizes that he, himself, is the rigged one
And finally, finish the whole bottle if…
- Donald Trump says the word "rigged" so many times that the word loses all meaning for you