Via Getty Images

The final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump airs tonight, and it promises to be another frustrating 90 minutes of television that will make you crave a cocktail or seven.

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Trump is getting schlonged in the polls; his campaign manager has invited Barack Obama's half-brother and assorted other looney tunes to the debate; and he's been raving for a week about a globalist banking/media cabal that's straight out of the Stormfront message boards.

In other words: Pass the whiskey and play this, our final debate drinking game! Your sanity may very well depend on it.

THE RULES

Take a sip every time Trump says…

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  • Rigged
  • Fraud
  • Liar
  • Prison
  • "The swamp"
  • "The polls"
  • "The inner cities"
  • "Under one flag, under one God"
  • Folks
  • Globalists
  • Bankers
  • Acid-washed
  • Bleached
  • Pre-stressed
  • Bootcut
  • Mainstream media
  • Huge
  • Massive
  • Terrific
  • Wonderful
  • Astronomical
  • Inconceivable
  • Awful
  • Crooked
  • Terrible
  • "the cyber"
  • "the nuclear"
  • "$20 trillion in debt"
  • "A total disaster"
  • "What do you have to lose?"
  • "Seriously: What do you have to lose?"

Take another sip if Donald Trump mentions any of these proper nouns:

  • Alec Baldwin
  • Lorne Michaels
  • Rosie O'Donnell
  • The Clinton Foundation
  • People Magazine
  • The New York Times
  • Breitbart
  • Juanita Broaddrick
  • Paula Jones
  • Malik Obama
  • Kenya
  • Hawaii
  • Jeremiah Wright
  • Monica Lewinsky
  • Sidney Blumenthal
  • Debbie Wasserman Schultz
  • ACORN
  • Saul Alinsky
  • Goldman Sachs
  • Wikileaks
  • Ecuador
  • James O'Keefe III
  • Protocols of the Elders of Zion
  • Peter Thiel
  • Wayne Newton

Take an even bigger sip if Donald Trump…

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  • Answers a question that is not about ISIS by referencing the threat of ISIS
  • Answers a question that is not about Hillary's emails by referencing Hillary's emails
  • Actually answers a question
  • Still has the sniffles
  • Accuses Hillary of having the sniffles
  • Says that his sinuses are rigged
  • Accuses Hillary of taking steroids
  • Is wearing a Cough Prevention Machine
  • Says that he will make America great again
  • Says that he will make America safe again
  • Says that he will make America great and safe and greatly safe and safely great again
  • Complains about his treatment in a previous debate
  • Complains about his treatment in the present debate
  • Complains about his treatment in the next debate
  • Complains that the debates are rigged
  • Complains about his treatment at the Holiday Inn he's staying at
  • Complains that the Holiday Inn is rigged
  • Complains that none of the debate moderators came from Infowars
  • Asks his supporters to monitor polling places
  • Claims that he is qualified to run the country based on his success at opening a hotel in Washington D.C.
  • Reminds everyone that his hotel in Washington D.C. is open and has fantastic reviews on TripAdvisor
  • Takes a swipe at:
  • Paul Ryan
  • John Kasich
  • Joe Biden
  • President Obama's campaign schedule
  • Mark Cuban
  • Michael Moore
  • The Pope
  • Ken Bone
  • Defends himself against sex crime allegations by insulting his accusers' looks
  • Congratulates Melania on her CNN interview
  • Complains that political ads being run against him are mean
  • Complains that the word "rigged" is rigged
  • Opens up a Merriam-Webster dictionary and reads the definition of "rigged"
  • Realizes that he, himself, is the rigged one

And finally, finish the whole bottle if…

  • Donald Trump says the word "rigged" so many times that the word loses all meaning for you