Jason Bahr

Lindsey Graham played a PG version of Fuck, Marry, Kill—the game where you rank three people based on whether you would have sex with them, contractually bind yourself to them in a marital relationship, or murder them—with CNN's Dana Bash. It was, uh, not great!

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In advance of Wednesday's Republican debate, Bash asked the South Carolina senator if he would "date, marry, or make disappear forever" (it's basic cable, no explicit sex talk or F-bombs allowed!) the following women: Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Carly Fiorina.

Now here's the thing: I get it. I get it! Let's have a little fun with our candidates! I'm no narc! Let's get them to Nae Nae. Let's invite them to do disquieting impersonations of characters from The Simpsons. Let's give them guitars and ask them to sing Taylor Swift! Live a little! The grave awaits us all!

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But let's not ask them if they would marry, fuck, or murder any of the women who have run for president or been named on a vice presidential ticket in this nation's recent history. That is a bad idea. If you think about it for one minute, you will realize it is a bad idea.

Women are terribly underrepresented in all levels of United States government: 71% of elected officials are men despite the fact that they only constitute around 49% of the population. So it is very weird when someone running for the highest office in that country is asked, at an event hosted by a national news organization, how he would sexually relate to or murder three prominent women involved in politics—two who happen to be running for that same position.

It is totally bananas to do this. Take out the gross gender dynamic (which, to me, feels kind of impossible!) and you still have a completely bizarre thing on your hands. Just imagine that someone asked you, on national television, which of your distant colleagues—people you already have a moderately contentious relationship with—you would have sex with or kill. You'd be like, "Uh, no comment! That is weird!"

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But that is not what Graham said!

"We can't go beyond dating," Graham laughed, nervously, in response to Bash's question. Pushed to answer, and basically having a YOLO demeanor about this whole running for president thing, he said he would date Sarah Palin (they would go hunting on their first date), marry Carly Fiorina ("she's rich"), and declined to banish Hillary Clinton from the face of the earth.

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A true gentleman.