Football coach says he hasn’t been to the grocery store in years

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One thing about being a human is that you have to insert food into your body in order to survive, and as a result, many humans turn to the modern convention of the grocery store to ensure food is near their immediate person at all times. At the grocery store, humans select from a variety of food and drink options—including meat, vegetables, and others—and proceed to store their selections in either a refrigerated space or a room-temperature space. Bill Belichick, head coach of the NFL’s New England Patriots, claimed today he’s abandoned the practice as of late.

“I haven’t been to the grocery store in a couple of years,” Belichick said today at a press conference.

In favor of what? It’s unclear. A Providence Journal report doesn’t share any further information.

At the grocery store—where one can bring their own plastic bag, in lieu of asking for a paper bag from the grocery store bagger, if they so choose—Belichick may be subject to the bothersome task of speaking with adoring fans, and so perhaps this is the sensible decision for him.

But it is difficult to imagine not ever going to the grocery store: never deciding between a big cart or a small cart, never wheelin’ your cart around, never feeling the sweet satisfaction of being a Safeway member and saving 17% on your purchase.

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