Halloween Shit!

There are way, way too many ways to dress as a poop emoji this Halloween

Amazon

The month of October is here and with it, a slew of truly terrible Halloween costumes. Some Halloween costumes are good—creative portrayals of fictional characters, classic ghosts made of sheets, North West, etc.—but most of them are truly awful and we should all be ashamed. The worst Halloween costumes are the offensive ones: Don’t dress like an “Indian.” Don’t dress in a hijab. For the love of god, don’t put on blackface.

There is absolutely nothing worse than a racist costume. But there is something dumber. On this hallowed day, the 4th of October, we have found truly the stupidest thing to be for Halloween, and that is the poop emoji. “How many ways could there possibly be to dress as a poop emoji for Halloween?” you might be asking. And I am here to tell you: way, way, way too many.

Poop emoji for your head

51nboo7aopl-_sx466_Amazon

One way to be a poop emoji is to just wear a poop emoji hat. I don’t think this should count as a costume. If you were my friend and you walked into a party wearing all black and this hat, I would most certainly scream at you “Black and brown make a frown” and then steal the hat and throw it in the garbage where it belongs.

Here’s a poop emoji hat that lights up. (Ew!)

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-31-45-amAmazon

But guess what? There are even more ways to put the poop emoji on your head.

Here is a mask.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-40-21-amAmazon

Here is another mask, with a much grosser texture.

718brtatonl-_sl1500_Amazon

 

 

Poop emoji for your feet

Poop socks.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-34-44-am

Poop slippers!

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-32-48-amAmazon

ANOTHER kind of poop slippers.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-36-53-amAmazon

YES, THERE ARE MORE KINDS OF SLIPPERS.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-37-57-amAmazon

 

Poop emoji for your body

Maybe you want to play it subtle with your terrible costume and wear a poop emoji necklace. Here is one.

61nn0uchxbl-_sl1500_Amazon

Here is a poop emoji shirt that you could wear with your hat and slippers.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-41-19-amAmazon

Here is some poop underwear that you could wear. I GUESS.

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-42-33-amAmazon

And now we get to the real deal. The full-body poop emoji dream, available only for boys and “men“:

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-45-37-amParty City
screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-9-45-28-amParty City

The sexy poop emoji

Women, as you know, cannot wear any kind of costume that covers more than 50% of their body despite the fact that it is almost always freezing on Halloween. For them, there is this extra special costume:

yr_e7085_3_ps09222016Yandy

It’s not even flattering!

Happy Halloween, everyone!