All's Well That Ends Wasted

Here’s your official drinking game for the final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump

Via Getty Images

The final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump airs tonight, and it promises to be another frustrating 90 minutes of television that will make you crave a cocktail or seven.

Trump is getting schlonged in the polls; his campaign manager has invited Barack Obama’s half-brother and assorted other looney tunes to the debate; and he’s been raving for a week about a globalist banking/media cabal that’s straight out of the Stormfront message boards.

In other words: Pass the whiskey and play this, our final debate drinking game! Your sanity may very well depend on it.


Take a sip every time Trump says…

  • Rigged
  • Fraud
  • Liar
  • Prison
  • “The swamp”
  • “The polls”
  • “The inner cities”
  • “Under one flag, under one God”
  • Folks
  • Globalists
  • Bankers
  • Acid-washed
  • Bleached
  • Pre-stressed
  • Bootcut
  • Mainstream media
  • Huge
  • Massive
  • Terrific
  • Wonderful
  • Astronomical
  • Inconceivable
  • Awful
  • Crooked
  • Terrible
  • “the cyber”
  • “the nuclear”
  • “$20 trillion in debt”
  • “A total disaster”
  • “What do you have to lose?”
  • “Seriously: What do you have to lose?”

Take another sip if Donald Trump mentions any of these proper nouns:

  • Alec Baldwin
  • Lorne Michaels
  • Rosie O’Donnell
  • The Clinton Foundation
  • People Magazine
  • The New York Times
  • Breitbart
  • Juanita Broaddrick
  • Paula Jones
  • Malik Obama
  • Kenya
  • Hawaii
  • Jeremiah Wright
  • Monica Lewinsky
  • Sidney Blumenthal
  • Debbie Wasserman Schultz
  • Saul Alinsky
  • Goldman Sachs
  • Wikileaks
  • Ecuador
  • James O’Keefe III
  • Protocols of the Elders of Zion
  • Peter Thiel
  • Wayne Newton

Take an even bigger sip if Donald Trump…

  • Answers a question that is not about ISIS by referencing the threat of ISIS
  • Answers a question that is not about Hillary’s emails by referencing Hillary’s emails
  • Actually answers a question
  • Still has the sniffles
  • Accuses Hillary of having the sniffles
  • Says that his sinuses are rigged
  • Accuses Hillary of taking steroids
  • Is wearing a Cough Prevention Machine
  • Says that he will make America great again
  • Says that he will make America safe again
  • Says that he will make America great and safe and greatly safe and safely great again
  • Complains about his treatment in a previous debate
  • Complains about his treatment in the present debate
  • Complains about his treatment in the next debate
  • Complains that the debates are rigged
  • Complains about his treatment at the Holiday Inn he’s staying at
  • Complains that the Holiday Inn is rigged
  • Complains that none of the debate moderators came from Infowars
  • Asks his supporters to monitor polling places
  • Claims that he is qualified to run the country based on his success at opening a hotel in Washington D.C.
  • Reminds everyone that his hotel in Washington D.C. is open and has fantastic reviews on TripAdvisor
  • Takes a swipe at:
    • Paul Ryan
    • John Kasich
    • Joe Biden
    • President Obama’s campaign schedule
    • Mark Cuban
    • Michael Moore
    • The Pope
    • Ken Bone
  • Defends himself against sex crime allegations by insulting his accusers’ looks
  • Congratulates Melania on her CNN interview
  • Complains that political ads being run against him are mean
  • Complains that the word “rigged” is rigged
  • Opens up a Merriam-Webster dictionary and reads the definition of “rigged”
  • Realizes that he, himself, is the rigged one

And finally, finish the whole bottle if…

  • Donald Trump says the word “rigged” so many times that the word loses all meaning for you