please god let it end

The return of Anthony Weiner is just what this nightmare of an election deserves

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Of course. Of course! Of course.

This is how this despicable, exhausting, apocalyptic horror show of an election is flaming out: with Anthony Weiner roaring back into the main frame.

But could it really have gone down any other way? Only an election whose default emotion has been “scum-induced trauma” could yank a scuzzy supporting player like Weiner out from the depths to which he’d been consigned and return him to center stage. 2016, everyone! It’ll kill us all!

Oh, if you’re just catching up: you know that whole Hillary Clinton email thing everyone thought was over? Well, now it’s back—because Anthony Weiner is under investigation for sexting with a minor, and the investigators apparently found some emails between Hillary and Weiner’s wife, Hillary consigliere Human Abedin, on his laptop, mixed in there with all the dick pics or whatever.

Weiner, for once, had the right response.

And so it was that a walking pile of garbage—who, this year, already starred in one of the most awkward and depressing documentaries of all time and was dumped by the long-suffering Abedin—was thrust into the spotlight once more. In an election defined by Donald Trump’s sociopathic derangement, Hillary Clinton’s morass of ethically dubious surprises, and a million other things that have collectively sent the world diving under the covers, shaking in the fetal position, begging for this all to be over…it just feels right.

How could one of history’s biggest catastrophes, this two-year nightmare, ever end on a calm and peaceful note? We were fools to think otherwise. Excuse me while I jump out the window.

Note: this post has been updated with new information about how the new emails were found.