There are three words making everyone repeatedly lose their minds on Election Night:
KEY. RACE. ALERT.
Seriously, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, whose sole job appears to be to say the words “Key Race Alert”—except when he’s saying “projection”—is freaking us all the hell out, and it needs to stop.
“KEY RACE ALERT!” Blitzer barks, over and over again, and suddenly Florida is too close to call, and it’s a nail-biter in Ohio, and North Carolina won’t be called for the next 72 hours.
“KEY RACE ALERT!” Blitzer shouts, with an enthusiasm that borders on the sinister, and viewers everywhere shrink a little in their seats and begin clutching their chests.
“KEY RACE ALERT! KEY RACE ALERT! KEY RACE ALERT!” You are KILLING US, WOLF.
Seriously, Wolf—STOP IT.