Crime

It’s The Real Life Spring Breakers Minus Vanessa Hudgens’ Terrible Acting

Washington County Jail

If you were driving through the parking lot of Beaverton City Hall in Oregon this past Monday you may have had an eyeful of young ladies flashing their privates and peeing on cars.

If you weren’t — because why would you be? — don’t worry because we’ve got a play-by-play only Harmony Korine could dream of.

Three girls in their early 20s — basically the Spring Breakers’ cast complete with a brunette with a bad blonde dye job à la Vanessa Hudgens — were arrested after performing R. Kelly’s wet dream in the parking lot of an Oregon City Hall.

It all started when one of the girls went to court that day to pay a fine for a warrant. This was followed by some twerking in the parking lot, which apparently is a big deal because the word “twerking” was featured in every headline as if it had anything to do with the actual crime being committed.

One of the girls was filming the dance party in the parking lot when two of girls allegedly exposed their genitals. One of them reportedly lifted her skirt and peed between two cars like she was at a sorority party.

That’s when a court employee called the cops. What time was it when all this happened you might ask? 3am? 5am? Nope it was 3:30pm.

The girls left the scene but were stopped on the highway and were arrested on multiple charges, including possession of marijuana, cocaine and prescription pills. But if we’re going to judge by the headlines, twerking was probably the biggest offense.

But the question still waits, whatever happened to the tape?

I have one guess.

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