The national nightmare is over.
We are relieved to report that Miley Cyrus stolen Maserati was found by LAPD on June 2. Though, we didn’t realize the car was stolen in the first place, just imagining poor Miley agonizing over the loss of her beloved car was enough to make us cry super sad tears of the saddest sorrow.
The car was stolen from the singer’s home on Friday afternoon and dumped on Alscot Avenue in Simi Valley (we really have no idea where that is but it sounds fancy).
Cyrus was on her “Bangerz” tour when the Maserati was stolen. The car appeared to be undamaged but the psychological toll of its initial vanishing can never be erased. If the car’s theft in anyway affected Miley’s ability to twerk we may never heal as a nation.