The national nightmare is over.

We are relieved to report that Miley Cyrus stolen Maserati was found by LAPD on June 2. Though, we didn’t realize the car was stolen in the first place, just imagining poor Miley agonizing over the loss of her beloved car was enough to make us cry super sad tears of the saddest sorrow.

The car was stolen from the singer’s home on Friday afternoon and dumped on Alscot Avenue in Simi Valley (we really have no idea where that is but it sounds fancy).

Cyrus was on her “Bangerz” tour when the Maserati was stolen. The car appeared to be undamaged but the psychological toll of its initial vanishing can never be erased. If the car’s theft in anyway affected Miley’s ability to twerk we may never heal as a nation.

Story Tags

Section

×
×

Stories not to be missed!

WUPPERTAL,GERMANY- APRIL 08: A lion is seen at the  Wuppertal  Zoo on April 8, 2009 in Wuppertal, Germany.  (Photo by Christof Koepsel/Getty Images)

Here's how this lion-killing dentist thing is going to play out

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - JULY 10:  Singer/songwriter Taylor Swift performs onstage during The 1989 World Tour Live at MetLife Stadium on July 10, 2015 in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images for TAS)

Taylor Swift’s stage malfunction last night exposed exactly what it means to be a pop star

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - DECEMBER 18:  A protestor holds a black lives matter t-shirt during a "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" demonstration in front of the San Francisco Hall of Justice on December 18, 2014 in San Francisco, California. Dozens of San Francisco public attorneys and activists staged a "Hands Up, Don't Shoot" demonstration to protest the racial disparities in the criminal justice system following the non-indictments of two white police officers who killed unarmed black men in Missouri and New York.  (Photo by Justin Sullivan/Getty Images)

The next time someone says 'all lives matter,' show them these 5 paragraphs