There’s something weird about Harry Redknapp’s eyelids. They are always droopy, waggling in the wind. Also, whenever Redknapp looks through them, he sees talented English soccer players.

This is disturbing because there aren’t any talented English soccer players. There haven’t been any for decades. (I’m sure some on the 1966 World Cup winning team must have been talented, but I wasn’t alive, so I can’t vouch for them.) But like a paranoid stoner seeing phantom cops behind every bend, Redknapp sees talented English soccer players.

“[Raheem] Sterling is a fantastic talent, [Daniel] Sturridge, [Harry] Kane, and [Ross] Barkley who is a fantastic player in my opinion, a real talent. He is a player I would like to see push on now,” Redknapp told Talksport.

“We’re full of good fullbacks. Kyle Walker has got fit now. The boy Nathanial Clyne has pace at fullback, and I can see Danny Rose pushing into the squad.”

I’m just going to interject here and mention that Danny Rose is shit. But because Redknaap’s eyelids keep droopingly deceiving him, he thinks all these talented English soccer players — who, again, don’t exist — form a talented English soccer team. A team so good it should win Euro 2016.

“There are some really talented players, and Roy’s squad for the Euros is going to the best we’ve had for some time,” he said. “If we don’t win that we ought to give up, because it’s the best opportunity we’re going to have.”

Ah, yes. Give up. Much like how Redknapp gave up at Queens Park Rangers because his knees hurt and definitely not because his team was awful and he was going to get fired shortly.

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