Donald Trump has not been enjoying the Democratic National Convention so far.
"You know what I wanted to. I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard," Trump said during a Thursday rally in Iowa. "I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard his head would spin and he wouldn't know what the hell happened."
Trump did not elaborate on the identity of "little guy" he wanted to commit felony assault against. So I decided to deeply investigate the possibilities of who that little guy might be.
LITTLE GUY PROBABILITY: No
At 6 feet 2 inches, Bill Clinton is the same height as Donald Trump. There is photo evidence of them together showing that they are about the same height. It would be a weird self-burn to call the former president "little."
LITTLE GUY PROBABILITY: Very Unlikely
The president's medical records say he is six foot one, making him one inch shorter than Bill Clinton. That does make him shorter than Trump, but since when has the Republican presidential candidate been known to stretch the truth like that?
LITTLE GUY PROBABILITY: Unlikely
As of publication, we could not find published records of Sen. Tim Kaine's height, showing a shocking lack of transparency from the Clinton campaign. But pictures of him with both Obama and Clinton put him in about the same neighborhood as the two presidents height-wise, which still makes him an unlikely little guy.
BILL DE BLASIO
LITTLE GUY PROBABILITY: Have you seen this man?
Seriously, he's like a giant.
LITTLE GUY PROBABILITY: All signs point to yes
Michael Bloomberg's height clocks in at about five feet eight inches, making him one of the shorter "guys" to speak at the Democratic National Convention. But the likelihood of the former New York mayor as the culprit is determined by more than just his physical stature.
Bloomberg is a former Republican criticizing the candidate of his old party. He is a bona fide New York billionaire whose net worth is well-documented, unlike Trump's. His words were primed to hit Trump's inferiority complex more than any other speaker at the convention.
Of course, this is all speculation. Unless Trump elaborates or rolls up his sleeves and makes good on his threat, we may never know for sure. Given that assaulting Bloomberg would probably increase Trump's standing among Republicans, maybe the former mayor should avoid the campaign trail for a while.