How to fake being a trendy eater

This year, I celebrated America’s Birthday with an ice cold brew and as many doctor’s appointments as I could fit into a bank holiday.

This week’s episode is about food trends. What are food trends, you may ask? And what makes some foods trendier than others? Why can’t, say, oatmeal be trendy? Well first off, it is, and secondly, what I’ve learned through the process of making this episode is that food trends, like their fashion brethren, come and go by the will of the tides. That’s right! It’s because of the moon cycles that we’re all eating purple food right now. Come another major eclipse, you’re going to be embarrassed by all those turmeric shots you’ve been downing. But then again, you probably won’t! You’ll be a toxin-free individual by that point and won’t register regret as an emotion. I congratulate you.

I am not a trendy eater myself. This is evidenced by all the food I have eaten so far today. For breakfast I had a Clif Bar (in Chocolate Brownie flavor, thank you very much) and some coconut water (electrolytes!) Then for lunch I had an Amy’s Frozen Lasagna, a strawberry lemonade popsicle, and then another strawberry lemonade popsicle. So when investigating what foods are on trend, I turned to my most trusted group text and asked them what the cool kids were eating. (Note: these young folks live in NEW YORK CITY, so you can trust these picks are the freshest, most exciting, and most exhilarating foods you’ll find anywhere.)

The responses I got are as follows: Matcha, Soft Serve, Grain Bowls, and Poke.

I performed exactly zero research on all four, but I am now delivering my in-depth explanations of each.

Matcha

It’s green! And like, is tea pretty much, right? You can drink it, and it’s also the flavor of stuff that isn’t tea. It seems like it might be pretty chalky in texture, which is an assumption I am basing off of purely nothing.

Matcha

Soft Serve

YUM! Very glad this one is back. It’s ice cream, but easier to eat. I’ve been seeing a lot of Matcha Soft Serve on Instagram, so if you want to be immortal, get that good stuff.

Matcha Soft Serve

Grain Bowls

You get these at sweetgreen and the like. It’s like salad, only much better because there’s less lettuce and more carbs. Said grains can include quinoa, red quinoa, farro, barley, and for sure some others. Grain bowls also often include potatoes and other unhealthy things not commonly featured in salads, so I am very much on board with this trend. Get to your local bowl-ery and get one now!

Grain Bowl

Poke

This one is a lot of fun. Poke is Hawaiian-style raw cubed fish (tuna, salmon, etc.), but at some places, you can get a tofu version, so vegetarians out there, don’t fret. In my experience, poke is served over rice with some cucumbers, avocado, and pickled veggies—basically you’re looking at sushi in a bowl. It’s pretty to look at, too, which is usually something I don’t care about, but poke looks like a rainbow, and I’ve been a fan of those for quite some time.

Poke

Great! Do we all feel up to trend now? If not, be sure to tune in Thursday for even more food fun with our 1st and last ever coleslaw “Slaw-off,” an interview with comedian Trae Crowder, and a trip to Datassential— Chicago’s very own food trend trackers. Now I’m going to go back to focusing on this copy of InStyle from 2009 that’s sitting in my dentist’s office. Drew Barrymore is on the cover, and I think she wants to tell me about her directorial debut in Whip It. Delicious!

 

 

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