Man offers up (semi) vital organ in hopes he can watch Preston North End lose to Manchester United

Michael Jackson (let’s agree to move past that name now, there’s other weirdness to discuss), an English expat living in South Africa, loves himself some Preston North End. Really, who doesn’t? Jackson’s emotions run so deep for the club that he has made some ridiculous offers in hopes to somehow barter his way from Cape Town to Lancashire to see his team take on Manchester United in the FA Cup on Feb. 16.

In what is either a display of lunacy, a fundamental misunderstanding of market value, or lack of access to StubHub in South Africa, Jackson is offering up his kidney in exchange for tickets for himself and his wife.

Yes, his wife. When you read his quotes, do so with the knowledge that someone married this man and has taken vows to spend the rest of her life with him. Then pray for her safety.

“I’d sell a kidney to get a ticket. Someone suggested I should ride a giraffe, I’d do whatever it takes. I’d even swim from Cape Town to the River.”

That’s a hell of a drop off, isn’t it? How did the asking price go from a semi-vital organ — Jackson is at least smart enough to only offer one kidney for now — to riding a giraffe? It doesn’t appear that MJ knows how negotiations work.

“I’ve put an appeal on Facebook. I have to be at that game it is a once in a lifetime match and marks a year since Sir Tom Finney died. I want to be there and hear the roar from my home town at Deepdale. If this never happens again in my lifetime and I miss it I will spend years in tears.”

All good ideas are hatched on Facebook while in an unstable emotional state. Michael Jackson says he wants to undergo invasive surgery to see his favorite team lose an FA Cup match, and someone should help make it happen. Call his bluff and show up at his house in a surgical mask with two tickets and a cooler full of ice to put his kidney in. See what he’s willing to give up for a field pass. Organ harvesting is a lucrative business, and this is a big cash opportunity for some enterprising Brit.

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